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Florida, United States

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Dating? Say it isn't so!!

So, over the last several months, I’ve found that single hood equals boredom. Yes, like watching paint dry.

So last weekend, I went on a date. An actual honest to God, dinner, movie, followed by ice cream, date. It was a little bizarre. But I did have a great time.

Some of my single girlfriends are living an entirely different single life than me. They’ve signed up for all of these online dating sites, which I know is supposedly the way relationships start nowadays. I absolutely refuse.

I don’t want to skim over profiles of men, picking apart their photos, interests and hobbies. That just sounds so cold-blooded to me. Whatever happened to meeting someone in the normal course of a day, in a random, cutesy manner, being attracted and going on a date?

That’s how my date on Saturday originated. I was introduced (by a drunken girlfriend) to this guy that I instantly found attractive, we spoke for a minute, exchanged numbers, and voila. A date was born.

Does this not happen a lot in modern times? Does a guy not ask you out unless he runs across a photo and a listing of the things you enjoy doing in an online profile?

Obviously, I’m not looking for some long term, serious relationship. I just got out of one of those and frankly, the idea of jumping right back into that ring gives me hives. But I wouldn’t mind casually dating someone that I have a few things in common with. I don’t want to go watch a ball game by myself, after all.

But to get back to my criticism of the online dating sites, they are honestly just hook up sites from what I can gather. One of my friends is not opposed to random hook ups, therefore she loves the shit out of it. She sends me a picture of a different man’s penis damn near everyday. (By the way, guys, please stop taking pictures of your private parts and sending them to complete strangers.)

I call it my “Daily Dude of the Day.” A little redundant maybe, but it does roll off the tongue.

So, while my date on Saturday was fun, it is now Tuesday and he has texted only once. Is that a bad sign? Hell, I have no freaking clue. I don’t know what the rules are or if there even IS any rules. Should he have said something beyond, “Have a great Easter” with a kissy face? What does a kissy face even mean? Am I over analyzing this entire situation? Am I (gasp!) turning into a girl?

I’m confused. It has been four months since the end of my marriage came about and I’m ready to begin to move forward. I’m thirty one and my sex drive is no where near dead. But I just don’t have it in me to sleep around. What do you do in a situation like this? Is there a happy compromise that will keep my girly parts from slowly withering away? Besides masturbation?

Thursday, March 15, 2012

All The Single Ladies....

So, how is everyone?

A lot has changed for me in what seems like a short period of time, but in actuality, has been occuring for years.

I'm now a single girl. Yes, it's true. The end of a marriage is like a death, but at the same time, I think we have both been reborn. It is hard, the adjustments you have to make, but at the same time, it is something that is turning out to be for the best, for both of us.

I was the one that finally got up the nerve to call it quits. I think that once you reach a certain point, if you continue to stay, you end up breeding hatred in a relationship that was once all about love. I believe in the sanctity of marriage, but I also believe in recognizing when the fat lady has sang her last note and not sitting around waiting for an encore when the obese woman has dropped dead of a heart attack and has foam pouring from her mouth. But thats just me.

It's funny, really. As a married woman, I envied single people the freedom to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. Let's put this in perspective. I was fourteen when I met my husband, sixteen when I gave birth, eighteen when I married, and nineteen when I had my second child.

I've never, ever just......been.

And even now, my children come first. They are twelve and fifteen. For the last several years, they have only seen my husband and me be friends. Which is great. But not if that is all there is. I want them to understand that in marriage there are many different emotions, such as happiness, anger, passion. My husband and I shared, and hopefully will again, a wonderful friendship. We didn't DO anything together. We didn't make each other a priority in our plans, our aspirations, anything that really matters. I want my boys to understand that for a marriage to work, you have to have a geniune interest in the other person.

I'm not saying that you must have everything in common. But you must care about the other person enough to want to participate and listen when they speak on things that you would otherwise never be exposed to. We lacked that.

So, yes, while it is sad, it is also for the best.

My youngest told me the other day that we were both so much happier lately. Which kind of made me sad, but at the same time reassured me that we are doing the right thing.

And the funny thing is, I haven't cried. Not once. So maybe we waited longer than we should've to call a halt to our runaway marriage. I do believe I've built up scar tissue.

My ex is very much a relationship kind of guy. I've reassured him that I'm okay with him finding someone else, which is really bizarre, I know, but only because I truly mean that.

As for me, I already have two males that will always be in my life. I couldn't imagine trying to make room for one more anytime soon. I just don't think I have it in me.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Evolution of Music

This morning, I was in the shower listening to the radio and a Rhianna song came on, the one with the line “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excites me”. And I started thinking about the original saying and how much music has changed over the decades.
So I thought a comparison was in order. I looked up the top ten songs from 1971 and the top ten (according to the critics) of 2011 on Billboard.com.
Here are my findings (along with a line or two of the lyrics):

Number 10
Knock Three Times – The Dawn
Lyrics: I can hear the music playing. I can feel your body swaying
Rolling in the Deep - Adele
Lyrics: The scars of your love remind me of us. They keep me thinking that we almost had it all.

Number 9
Just My Imagination Running Away With Me – The Temptations
Lyrics: I hear a tender rhapsody but in reality she doesn’t even know me
Look at me now – Chris Brown featuring Busta Rhymes and Lil’ Wayne
Lyrics: Better cuff your chick if you with her, I can get her. And she accidentally slip and fall on

Number 8
Take Me Home Country Roads – John Denver
Lyrics: All my memories gathered ‘round her, Miner’s lady, Stranger to blue water
The Edge of Glory – Lady Gaga
Lyrics: I got a reason that you’re who should take me home tonight

Number 7
Go Away Little Girl – Donny Osmond
Lyrics: I know your lips are sweet but our lips must never meet (on a side note, with the title,
These lyrics are a little “sex offenderish”….)
Halocene – Bon Iver
Lyrics: We smoked the screen to make it what it was to be (What?)

Number 6
Indian Reservation – The Raiders
Lyrics: They took the whole Cherokee nation and put us on this reservation, Took away our
ways of life
Novacane – Frank Ocean
Lyrics: I feel like I’m Stanley Kubrick, This is some visionary shit

Number 5
How Can You Mend a Broken Heart – Bee Gees
Lyrics: I can still feel the breeze that rustles through the trees and misty memories of days
gone by.
Motivation – Kelly Rowland featuring Lil’Wayne
Lyrics: Oh lover, don’t you dare slow down, Go longer, You can last more rounds, Push
harder, You’re almost there now. Make Mama proud.

Number 4
One Bad Apple – The Osmonds
Lyrics: I can tell you’ve been hurt by that look on your face, girl. Some guy brought sad into
your happy world.
Niggas in Paris – JayZ and Kanye
Lyrics – I’m not even bothering

Number 3
It’s Too Late – Carol King
Lyrics: There will be good times again for me and you. But we just can’t stay together. Don’t
you feel it too?
Till the World Ends – Britney Spears
Lyrics: This kitten got your tong tied up in knots I see (That’s the 1st line of the song…)

Number 2
Maggie May – Rod Stewart
Lyrics: The morning sun really shows your age. But that don’t worry me none. In my eyes
you’re everything.
Someone Like You – Adele
Lyrics: Don’t forget me, I begged, I remember you said, sometimes it lasts in love, but
sometimes, it hurts instead


Number 1
Joy to the World – Three Dog Night
Lyrics: If I were the king of the world, I tell you what I’d do. I’d throw away the cars and
the bars and the war and make sweet love to you
Super Bass – Nicki Minaj
Lyrics: That’s the kind of dude I was lookin’ for
And yes you’ll get slapped you’re lookin’, ho.

Forty years of evolution in the music business. And that is what we get.

Thank God for Adele. That’s all I have to say about that…..

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Silence of the What-What, Wait a Minute...

When I was a little girl, there was this game that my mom and me would play.

The scene.

Mom and I sitting at a table in the food court at our local mall. While watching people, we would insert our own dialogue to stranger’s conversations that were out of our hearing. It would sometimes be sad, sometimes entertaining, sometimes angry. But it was fun. And original. It made me aware of the many varied lifestyles and issues that could be facing strangers you pass on the street. Maybe it helped me from becoming so self absorbed that I didn’t see what was going on to those around me. Whatever the effects on my personality development, it became habit.

Now, if I’m sitting at a red light and I look over and see someone with an expressive face, I automatically concoct some fictional story to go along with them. Maybe it is some lady putting her mascara on while driving. Maybe she is having an affair with a co-worker…or a crush on her married boss.

Or it could be some really old guy with a trucker’s cap on that says something like “I’m a Winner” and I automatically think of some scenario to make that true. Maybe he won a fishing contest, or the jackpot at his Wednesday night bingo game.

Whatever, you get the picture.

So, the other day, I’m sitting in Lowe’s waiting for some blinds to be cut for my grandmother-in-law’s Christmas present. And I start creating inner dialogue for the few people working there.

The lady cutting the blinds was this short, thick Hispanic woman that looked completely miserable. So every time she would lower the skill saw thingy ma jig, I was internally cursing about how bad this fucking job sucks.

There was another woman, older, looked like she should’ve been retired, up on a ladder restocking some cleaning supplies. So I was thinking that SHE was thinking, “If they only knew that just because I’m old doesn’t mean I know jack shit about Pine Sol, they wouldn’t stick me with this bullshit assignment.”

And then there was a flamboyantly gay man in a blue smock that was heading to the gardening center. “What? Just because I’m gay, do they think I give a shit about flowers?” In my fantasy world, I made him an awesome gamer that kicks everyone’s ass at “Modern Warfare”. (That is a game, isn’t it?)

And I thought, what an awesome movie this would be. A little like “The Office”, but with traces of “The Good Girl” without being all boring and shit. We could create a cast that embodies the characters that we run into every day.

I’m pretty sure that stereotypes exists for a reason. Maybe they are not always, always true, but a high percentage of the time, they are dead on.

We could include a hot steamy affair, one with the barely legal cashier boy and the hard ass manager lady that walks around in heels even though she works in a home improvement warehouse. Who is currently, not to her knowledge, being stalked by the lighting associate….that has a basement similar to the one in “Silence of the Lambs”.

You get the picture.

We could have a romantic comedy/thriller/faux documentary, with even a little bit of Sci-Fi thrown in if we make the forklift driver psychic. It would be epic.

Damn. I missed my calling. I should be writing scripts for Hollywood.