Deluded Parents and Scary Teenage Girls

My son plays baseball, for those of you that are unaware.

And he's actually pretty good. He turned thirteen in March and is already five foot eight. He's also very fit. These are all great things in baseball. However, this is not his crowning glory.

He's a leftie. And he pitches. Which apparently is a golden ticket. Or so he is constantly being told. So, even at thirteen, we have all these teams that are interested in him playing for them.

Anyway, the point to this post is....some parents are bat shit crazy. Fo real.

If you are anything like me, you would be amazed and downright horrified by the amount of parents that push their children to play a sport that they don't really enjoy and pretty much pimp their kids out to teams to get them recognition. At THIRTEEN YEARS OLD!

There are several types of these parents. The ones that truly believe their boys are going to make it to the bigs and are planning their entire retirement fund around that event, to the ones that are completely deluded into thinking that their child has abilities that he obviously doesn't. It's ridiculous.

Take my son for example. He's good. At pitching.

However, the whole common sense thing has completely escaped him.

For example, we were talking about where ham came from (pigs), then hamburgers (cows), when he asks "Where does chicken come from?"

Seriously.

So, while his athletic ability and physical stature are definite pluses, he's something of an airhead. Even as his mother, I know this. I love him anyway. It's that whole unconditional love thing.

Does that make me mean? I can admit that I am kind of mean. But its not like I run around calling my child, my love, the fruit of my womb, a dumb ass or anything.

And I do encourage him, tell him he can be anything he wants, he just has to apply himself.

But lets be honest. Not everyone has the ability to be a brain surgeon.

Also....

....these little slutty girls now-a-days....

Women, am I lying? Men, hell, even so-called "smart men" are dumb asses when a piece of tail is waved around in their faces.

Alex makes good grades in school, only a hand full of "C's" this year...but that is because, and he has admitted it, that he didn't have any "hot girls" in most of his classes.

I'm terrified. Some little hooch in shorty shorts, boobs bigger than mine, with an all over spray tan is going to molest my little boy.

I was knocked up at fifteen... gave birth at sixteen. I am bound and determined to break the cycle with my child. I really don't want him to wind up on an episode of "Sixteen and Pregnant" on MTV.

I want to know where the hell the male birth control shot is. These damn pharmaceutical companies need to get on the ball. Have they not seen how these little girls are behaving lately?!

If only they could stay babies...


but they do...


grow up...


a little at a time...