while the mouse is away....

I'm taking a trip.

I leave this afternoon, and I'm not sure when I'm coming back.

My husband and boys are staying home. That's why I'm not sure when I'm going to come home. Lord knows what my house is going to look like when I return. They're pigs. Pigs, I tell you.

I have a little more than three weeks before school starts and I really need to do something before I'm surrounded by the next generation of heathens. Although, I must say that I'm a little tired of having nothing to do. I don't think I was cut out for the whole 'homemaker' lifestyle. I don't bake. Nor have I joined any of those "local mom websites". If my kids come down with a rash, I'm not asking every mom within a hundred yard radius their opinion. I'm just going to take him to the doctor.

My boys know that I'm completely in love with them, but I'm not the Beave's mom, that's for sure.

So, I'm heading to Colorado. It's going to be a vacation with just my dad and me, which I haven't done since I was fifteen. (I'm blocking out the fact that he pissed me off on that trip and I rode a Greyhound bus back to Florida from Amarillo...) I've grown up since then, so when he pisses me off, I can just let loose and vent. No need to spare his feelings. I'm kidding....(for the most part)

Anywayz, I'm riding out there with him and flying home, so I've yet to decide on when I'm coming back. I've debated the different airlines and whether I really want to fly coach. Let's be honest. How often am I going to get to travel without multiple males present?

The last flight I was on with my boys, I thought I was going to choke my youngest. I was sitting in the middle of them, my oldest at the window, my youngest on the aisle. And he had gas. I mean, stink up the entire plane gas. I kept sending him to the bathroom, thinking that maybe if he took a crap, the odorous cloud that was hanging around us would dissipate. After the plane landed, we sat on the runway waiting for an open terminal forever (like twenty minutes) and he thought it would be great to end with a grand finale, an almost constant stream of farts that smelled like something had died up there and was throwing some serious punches to get out....

Anyway, I'm glad to be traveling without them for a change.

My dad lives in Colorado, so I've been before. I've seen all the sights, met all his friends, so hopefully, it'll just be a time to relax. I'm really looking forward to it.

This has been a particularly shitty summer, so I'm ready for something good to come of it.

I'll probably sit on the river and fish. Or I might take a canoe trip. My dad's friend owns several buildings in an old ghost town (called St. Elmo) and he rents out four wheelers, so I might do that one day.

I don't know. Not knowing is probably the best part about it. I love being spontaneous. That is when the best things happen.

I just hope that my husband doesn't destroy my house while I'm gone.

What Language!!

Do you ever wonder the origin of some of our popular sayings?

Maybe I'm just weird or extremely boring, but I'm always interested in hearing where these things come from.

Like 'knee slapping'. What the hell?

What is even more interesting than the phrase, is the fact that there is actually some theories on its origin on Wikipedia.

I love Wikipedia. It's effin' awesome. Just look up a Prince Albert on there. It gives you pictures and everything.

Or 'cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey'. It's apparently some kind of seafaring term. Like 'three sheets to the wind'.

And 'hand over fist', or 'hard and fast'. Who knew?

Then there is Mr. Shakespeare.

He coined the phrases 'fight fire with fire' and 'green eyed monster'. Among others is 'lie low' and 'forever and a day', which I find amazing that one man can actually be given credit, but there you go. Among my favorites is 'what a piece of work is man' and 'where the bee sucks, there suck I'...

Then there are the biblical phrases...

'Love of money is the root of all evil'

'The writing is on the wall'

'Fight the good fight'

But the English proverbs are truly the best.

'A little knowledge is a dangerous thing'

'A fool and his money are soon parted'

How about this one. 'A woman's place is in the home'. Shows you what a bunch of jackasses some of our ancestors were, huh?

'Boys will be boys', isn't that right?

And there are a ton of contradictions. 'Don't rock the boat', but didn't you know that 'the squeaky wheel gets the oil'?

I love our language. It's a beautiful thing. I don't know who said it, but I do know that words are powerful. They can change your life with just a little utterance. For good or bad. And some things really stick, so you should definitely be careful of what you say, because, for the most part, nothing can be taken back.

This is me...

Who are you?

Me? I'm just a normal girl.

A crazy, can't make my mind up, soft hearted, tough, opinionated female that has a slight obsession with shoes, type of female.

I'm a product of my environment, without all the bad shit. I'm truly Southern. Except for the fact that I'm glad the South didn't win. (I could be hung in some parts for that statement, mind you.)

I also have maybe, what could be considered, an unreasonable fear of clowns and the burger king mascot.

I'm also terrified of cockroaches.

I still laugh when some one's name is Cox. Or Peter. Even Richard at times.

I hate smear campaigns, especially when they are sponsored by some generic group that you would have to research in order to find out who is throwing mud.

Sometimes, I don't feel smart enough to vote.

Feeling like a dumb ass is the worst.

I love the fact that I can be anyone on the Internet, but I still choose to be me.

I love when other people are themselves, regardless of the thoughts of the masses.

I laugh at crude racist jokes. And I don't discriminate. I don't care if its about the skinny white girl in the trailer park jokes...

Music is a big part of my life. It makes me laugh, cry, think, can make me feel sexy, or like its going to be a good day, depending on what song is playing when I first wake up in the morning.

I really wish I had a friend in my inner circle that was a gay man, the more of a bitch/diva, the better. (I'm interviewing if anyone wants to try out!)

As a child, I was going to be a rich and fabulous lawyer, that wrote novels on the side, one with fabulous clothes, cars and tons of international travel. Now, I wonder what the hell I could've been drinking. I hate being away from home for more than a week, and it doesn't matter where I'm at.

I love the song Yellow Ledbetter by Pearl Jam, even though I have no effing clue what he's saying. And I don't really want to know, as I think that would take away some of the charm for me.

I wish I owned a red polka dot dress, with a flare skirt and capped sleeves.

I drive a mini cooper, which my husband refuses to go anywhere with me in.

I just heard Eminmen's new c.d., and I feel sorry for him.

I caught my son lying to a girl in a text, so I took his phone away and made a deal. In order for him to get it back, he had to either tell the girl in question in detail what he had lied about or he had to send a text to all of his contacts "I lie to make myself look cool." Is that mean? It took him ten days, but he finally chose the latter. I don't think I scarred him or anything, but you never know with these things.

I hope my sons turn into honest, hard working men that are great fathers. Its my ultimate challenge and dream come true.

I don't know if I'm ready to be the parent of a young teenager. It's really rather rahtarded when you think about it. I'm twenty nine and have a thirteen year old. What the hell were we thinking? However, my son talks to me. He talks to me about things that make me feel extremely old, even though I'm not.

I love the movie "Hangover".

The bad decisions I made as a young teenager has made me an over protective mom. I don't know if its fair or not, but there you go.

I hate the saying "Life isn't fair." It really makes me want to throw something anytime I hear it.

I'm immature. Sometimes.

I love hearing a baby laugh. That for real, belly laugh. That's the best noise in the world.

If I was a guy, I'd probably have a mullet and drive a 1967 camaro with an eagle on the hood, while constantly blaring Lynyrd Skynrd's Free Bird. (That's my favorite song.) Yeah, I know. It would be like Joe Dirt, part two. (I hate that movie.)

I sometimes wonder why I'm here.

I wish I had a cool job, like the Stephanie Plum character in Janet Evonovich's books.

I really wish I had me a Ranger, for those of you that are familiar with the novels...

I want a long vacation without my family. Is that horrible? I truly love them, but I really want a break from them. They are rather needy males.

Drinking wine makes me feel sophisticated, but I absolutely loath the shit. It takes at least a bottle before it becomes palatable.

When I wear heels, I'm just about six feet tall. And it makes me feel powerful. And sexy.

I hate stereotypes.

What type of first impression do you usually project? Me? Everyone usually thinks I'm a stuck up bitch, that thinks I'm better than everyone else.

I'm not. I promise.

WTF is up with The Today Show???

What the hell has happened to The Today Show?

For the last two mornings, I've arisen around seven thirty and tuned into what was once a very informative news program, with bits of humor thrown in to amuse....

And all I've learned is that Bristol Palin is a complete and total moron.

Oh, yeah, and that there is some desperate guy with a more desperate mother trying to marry him off.

I've also learned that there is a lot of fake shit for sale and that BP still can't figure out how to clean their mess up.

All in all, I think my brain has stored even more unnecessary information while watching The Today Show than it has over the last three days of me having a One Tree Hill marathon with my box sets. And that's saying something.

When the going gets tough....

The month of June is usually a difficult one for my family. I usually just put my head down and try to get through it. For those of you that missed it, this is the month that we lost my sister in law and nephew in a tragic way. You can read about it http://girlsaresmarterthanyou.blogspot.com/2009/12/to-make-you-smile.html.

It was six years ago on June 7th, which is just mind blowing to me. Sometimes, the scenes of that time come flying back so vividly, that it might have just happened yesterday....

And, yes, I know it is July, but my melancholy mood remains, as a friend has just suffered a tremendous loss.

Day before yesterday, in the early morning hours, her husband was killed in the line of duty. He was working in Tampa, where a car was pulled over for not having a visible tag. My friend's husband showed up as back up when a warrant showed up on the suspect. He then shot both officers.

My friend, Sara, is nine month's pregnant. The baby is scheduled to be born next week. It was their first child, and Jeff will never see her born.

So, I ask everyone to say a prayer for both officer's families, and to realize that sometimes life is difficult. Sometimes it flat out sucks.

Sometimes, there's not enough money to pay the bills...

Sometimes, your friend pisses you off and you just want to smack her...

Sometimes, your husband acts like a total douche and you wonder what the hell you were thinking...

Sometimes, that bitch in the piece of shit Kia that almost killed you in Orlando makes you want to commit an act of road rage...

Sometimes, your kids destroy your freshly clean house...

Sometimes, you just want to run away...

But, all the time, someone is going through something a little worse than you.

Never ask if it can get any worse, because I promise you, it can, and one day, it might...