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Florida, United States

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Saving a Marriage

Today at work, I’ve been looking up articles called “How to fall back in love with your spouse” and other such nonsense. (I know – I have issues) Can I just say that it is all a bunch of tripe?

Here are a few of the tips/steps they give you:

1. Remember what it was that made you fall in love with them in the first place.

My reply to that is, I was fourteen when I met him. What the hell does a fourteen year old know about love? Not a damn thing. I was horny, he was cute and told me he loved me. Period. I guess looking back I could say that he was nice to me. But HELLOOOO??? He was totally trying to get laid. That is what teenage boys do. Am I supposed to remember what great, taboo sex we use to have on the side of a dirt road in the front seat of his truck? Is that going to make me swoon for him again?

2. Fake it until you make it.

Really? What the fuck is this? AA? Isn’t that their slogan? Fake what? That I want to love on him when he is in the kitchen getting in the way while I’m trying to cook dinner for a household full of males? Maybe write a love note to him and put it on the empty roll of toilet paper that he can’t ever seem to replace? Fake an orgasm? What? What am I supposed to fake? When him and our teenage son are fighting, should I tell him how sexy he looks when he’s ready to strangle our offspring?

3. Give them your undivided attention (one suggested 15 hours a week)

Jesus. Christ. That’s all I have to say about that.

4. Policy of complete honesty.

I’m torn on this. I tend to be super honest, to the point of being mean. Are they saying that the times that I hold back, I should just let the negativity of some of my thoughts just spew from mouth? Isn’t that breaking the golden rule?

Now, don’t get me wrong. I love my husband. I truly do. I just don’t know if we are going to make it raising our children through these next couple of years. We don’t agree. On anything, really. I’m willing to work at it, as I’ve been with him over half my life, he is a good father, and I still find him attractive. I guess that those are reasons to try….I just find these so called methods a joke. I’m surprised that people actually spend tons of money to go to a damn marriage counselor to take a damn survey. I can do that for like six bucks. All I have to do is buy a Cosmo magazine.

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