Phantom Pregnancy

Last night, I'm at the mall shopping. I know, I know...I'm such a fucking girl.

Anway, there I stand at the checkout, waiting on a price check on a pair of panties.

Wait.

That wasn't what was awkward.

I wish.

So, I start making conversation with the checkout girl. She's really cute, maybe early twenties and pregnant. So I start asking all of the extremely personal questions that all pregnant women are asked.

(Hey, I paid my dues and had to put up with that shit, everyone else should have to, too."

I'm just thankful that I didn't rub her belly. That used to piss me off. And it really would've pissed this girl off.

Because, five minutes later, she says, "I'm not pregnant." What. The. Fuck.

Yeah, you heard me right. I totally wanted to die of mortification. So, I say to hell with the panties (even though they were REALLY cute) and pay for what I have and haul ass.

The next store I walk into, I set off the security alarms.

Yep, paybacks a bitch. She totally left the security tag on a sweater I bought and I had to revisit the site of my humiliation. I'm just glad the alarms went off before I got all the way home and realized what was up.

But I can admit, I kind of deserved it.