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Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Narcissism LIVES!!

My current blogging community is similar to when all of your friends get married, have babies, and they stop joining you for girls night out. Therefore, I am in need of some new friends – divorced, married, single, swinger….I don’t care so long as there is an interesting thought in their head that they want to put down for me to read, dissect, and discuss. What else am I supposed to do when my work is caught up? Question. Why do people blog? I read the other day that this person believed that every person that blogged had some type of narcissism disorder. Keep in mind, this was not from a professional. But is it true? I replied to that in some kind of flippant manner, but it got me to thinking…. As bloggers, are we so vain and self important that we believe everyone wants to read what we think about current events, men, relationships, fashion, food, interior design, etc., etc., etc.? I’ve put an awful lot of thought (okay – that was a lie – I’m winging it here) into this and I have to disagree. Maybe there are a ton of bloggers that think their voice is so important that it must be heard by the masses, but there are plenty of us out here that blog because, well, because it provides a sense of community. Socializing has gone viral, peeps. This is where we communicate. And it doesn’t always matter if you’ve met that person face to face. Or should I say – flesh to flesh, with all the many video chats that are now available? It is nice to have a conversation about something that interests you, even if the person you are conversing with doesn’t always agree. It is sad that the one on one, in person form of communication is soooo 80’s, but that is the way that it is. We are an ever evolving species (Should I put in my religion here? No? T.m.i, huh?) I tell stories about my life. Embarrassing, sad, happy, funny…they run the gamut of the emotional kaleidoscope, but one thing that all of them have in common…Truth. Every single one of them, from the flattering, to my Sharon Stone moment are my true. I’ve never met a self deprecating narcissist, have you? I began this blog a few years ago. Looking back at some of my earlier posts, I see that while my writing style has stayed essentially the same, the sentiment has changed. It is amazing to see how a person changes with their life events. Maybe some would consider blogging a type of diary, and for some, I’m sure they treat it exactly like that. But for me, I’m going to bare it all for private, my eyes only writings. As a blogger, I don’t believe in censorship, but I do believe in keeping some stuff just for yourself. In the beginning, I had a child that was on the cusp of becoming a teenager, and my sweet little eight year old son was just my little runt, I was sure of my marriage, my direction, all of my goals. Now, I look back and I’m thankful for the reflection of myself, of who I was in that particular moment in time and how much I’ve changed. It’s sad at times, bittersweet at others, but I’ve grown to be a very complex, multi-faceted woman that is not at all as confidant as I once thought. I don’t have all the answers and I’m really playing it by ear most of the time, but it is okay. I’m thirty one years old, I have a son that is almost fifteen and I just found out that he was screwing some girl during the high school football game a few weeks ago. If I don’t know what I’m doing all the time, if I occasionally fuck it up, I think I can cut myself a break. What do you think?

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