About Me

My photo
Florida, United States

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Angle of My Piss

Okay, so I totally found something that is going to make my days much more pleasant..

I've found the secret to peeing quietly. Yes. It's true. I'll tell you how. (and why.)

So, the staff bathroom (the only one that I'm not afraid something is going to jump onto my nether regions if I use) is in a hallway with offices all around. One day, I was walking down this hallway (to the bathroom no less) and heard the sound of a gigantic horse taking a leak. I was kind of embarrassed for the person on the other side of the door, (and concerned because I thought the bathroom was for women only and it surely had to be a man draining his boy bit)when the door opens and out steps this little petite woman.

First off, I was amazed that such a little thing could make such a racket (is that with a 'w'?) and then I was relieved that the one bathroom I was comfortable using wasn't a unisex potty.

(No offense meant, gentlemen...okay, so that's a lie. You may be offended, because I frankly don't give a shit...You guys are disgusting. For real.)

So, it had me slightly freaked out that every time I go to this potty, the sound of me peeing is echoing into the hallway like Niagara Falls.

Anyway, I've since experimented with the angle of my urine. (I really would never have thought that 'angle of my urine' would be something that I would ever say, much less write for anyone that suffers severe boredom and has access to the Internet to read, but there you go...'angle of my urine'.)

I've since found that if you pee on the porcelain, not directly into the water, there is virtually no sound.

*Sigh of relief...

I can now piss unselfconsciously.

1 comment:

  1. Beware splashing! :p

    While I am a fan of your advice, I'm afraid it's pointless to be concerned about this where I work. Even though it's an all-girl office, the "ladies" I work with are all about warning each other about their loud, stinky gas as they step into the restroom. If you've ever seen Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle, it's a little like that.


    Lamb’s Most Recent Post: The Chalkboard Door is for Holiday Decorating!