About Me

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Florida, United States

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I was stabbed, once upon a time...

When I was young(er), I worked as a waitress at this little barbecue joint that smokes the ribs in the middle of the restaurant, no air conditioner and concrete floors. The working conditions were atrocious, but the people were some of the best I've ever met.

With a few exceptions, but that's a story for another day.

Throughout the course of my time employed there, there were many pranks that were pulled.

One of which was where I poured mineral oil all in one girls sweet tea (I didn't like her a whole lot and didn't care if she sat on the shitter for the majority of her shift).

Another one, I put a rubber snake in a guys truck that habitually left his window down even though he parked under a group of oak trees. The guy got a shovel (after he finished screaming like a little girl) and proceeded to beat the shit out of his seat four or five times before he realized it was fake.

Another time I closed someone up in the freezer (only for a few minutes, though) and was highly amused at the level of hysteria a middle aged lady (I use the term loosely) can get in just a few minutes.

I guess you could say that I'm something of a pain in the ass, maybe even a little mean at times. And it really was all in good fun (for the most part).

So, I know that I have something coming for me, as I don't include the time that my shirt was frozen into a solid block of ice when I had to change due to barbecue sauce down my front.

There's really no point to this post, other than the fact that I've been reminiscing about some of my old jobs, the good, the bad and the sheer awfulness of some of them.

I do want to point out that I was also stabbed in the leg while working at the above restaurant, so I figure that probably balanced the scales a little bit. It was apparently on accident, but as I didn't get along with the girl wielding the knife, I do have my doubts. I was about to beat the shit out of her until I looked down and saw blood pouring down my leg. Have you ever been stabbed? Not cut, but stabbed? That shit hurts like hell. For real.

At my job as a lifeguard as a teenager, I took a nose dive off my lifeguard stand. How reassuring is that? The lifeguard doesn't even know how to climb up a very large wooden ladder and she's guarding the lives of your children?

I also once worked at a hospital and would take patients for x-rays, M.R.I.'s etc. I quit when I had a psyche patient about ripmy co-worker's hair out from the root and I had to tie her to the stretcher with a sheet in order to subdue her. That one was fun.

So, my work history is long and varied and I wonder what is going to happen in my new job that I will remember years from now (excluding the kid whacking off in class).

I just hope that one student will think that I've made a difference for them. If that happens, I'll think that it was totally worth it. (plus, summer's off BABY)

I hope everyone is having a good week.


  1. Kid whacking off in class? What is this world coming to? Friday at school we had a "talent" show...5 boys did a dance to "Lollipop". Can you imagine those moves? So inappropriate. The sad thing is, a teacher coreographed their dance. Surely the teacher does realize what the "lollipop" eludes to.

  2. omg ive always been scared to death of getting locked in a cooler! haha.