About Me

My photo
Florida, United States

Friday, December 11, 2009

Facebook Entertainment

I'm always amazed by the things people put on their facebooks. Some of the people on mine literally list things like:

Going to the grocery store.

Folding laundry.

Eating pork chops then cleaning the kitchen.

Going to work to do some filing.

My dog is GREAT!

Moving in with my mom because she's a bitch and kicked me out. Gotta save some money. (That one actually entertained me a little.)

I'm SOOOOO sick. Been throwing up and have diarrhea.

Now I know who my TRUE friends are.....

Guess what people? I don't care. Really. If you live in a total shit hole with laundry piled up to the ceiling and you need to finish some filing at work and your hemorrhoids are hanging out your booty hole and you did something that makes a woman not want to put up with your broke ass anymore....I don't care. And please don't air out your dirty laundry on facebook. It's beneath you. So what if one of your friends forgot to call you on your birthday? Everyone you've known since kindergarten doesn't really care. Send a message to one of those "true friends" and leave me out of it.

People put their whole lives on there. Seriously. I don't care if the freckled girl that was on my dance team forever ago got laid last night. Why do I need to know this? And can you maybe keep a little bit of mystery about yourself? If you tell me everything on facebook, we have nothing to talk about when we go for drinks.

I think I'm burned out on all the social networking sites. At least the ones that make it easy for every Tom, Dick and Harriet I went to school with to find me and proceed to tell me (not just me but their entire network of friends) every detail of their boring, mundane lives.

There are a few people on my page, like the guy I knew in third grade that got detention for shooting spitballs at the ceiling or the firefighter that goes into graphic detail on some of his calls (I know, I'm a little morbid) that I find entertaining. And don't get me started on all this farm town, ville or whatever in the hell its called. No, I don't want to be your neighbor and I don't want to join Yo'ville. If I did, the app would be on my page.

I currently have 93 requests, most of them stupid crap like that. It's ridiculous.

I'll end with a few status updates that might actually pique my interest:

You know that bitch neighbor of mine? Totally pissed in her pool this morning....

If my husband doesn't groom his man parts, I'm waxing them while he sleeps.

Holy smokes! Brazilian waxes are fo' real!

I'm going to break my co-workers nose if she stands in the door way of my office one more time with that stupid, superior look on her face.

Got my boob job!

Going to get wasted tonight at the gay club! Who's in?

My kid totally got suspended today for beating the snot out of the principals kid.

I'm having inappropriate dreams at night.

Where, oh where, were you last night? Why did you leave me here all alone? I searched the world over, thought I found true love.....

So this one time, at band camp....

Remember that time in high school when I said I didn't make out with your boyfriend? I lied.

On my way to work this morning, I rear ended a cop while applying my foundation and trying to text my girlfriend about the guy I had a one night stand with while eating a blueberry muffin.....in third gear.

You know how hot I was in school? I'm not anymore. Be prepared if you see me out in public. I've grown a mustache and put on a hundred and eighteen pounds and my tits that could once pass the pencil test? Huh uh. Not anymore.

Going to Vegas where I'm going to let the flappers talk me into one of their girls. I'll take pics and post them later!

And that's all for now...I'm sure I could think of a million more, but I'll stop. I need to get some work done. My filings kicking my ass currently. And I won't even mention my laundry.....or the culinary masterpiece I've got planned for dinner.

1 comment:

  1. I was TOTALLY entertained, thinking those were REAL status updates at the end (I obviously misread the line "status updates that might pique my interest" Dang.

    I'm SO sick of everybody being "fans" of dumb things.
    Saying the entire alphabet because you cant remember what letter comes next.

    I kind of want to puke thinking about FakeBook.