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Florida, United States

Friday, December 18, 2009

When I Was Younger, I Put My Face Close to the Fan to Hear My Robot Voice

When I Was Younger, I Put My Face Close to the Fan to Hear My Robot Voice.

That isn't really what this post is about but the name caught my notice on Facebook. One of my friends joined this "group".

Now, can you see how disturbed my childhood was? Because I totally did this. We were bored obviously...and easily entertained. What's sad, I still do this whenever a fan is around. It's fun, right?

My husband and children took off to our cabin in Georgia. I'm not what one would call a "hunter" so I typically opt out of these excursions. The prospect of an entire weekend alone, to be able to do, or not do, whatever I want for a good chunk of time is my idea of a vacation. Honestly.

For all you single folks out there (just had Beyonce running through my head......damn it, now that song is going to be stuck with me all day), trust me when I say that sure, there are positives to being married (you can have sex whenever you want without fear of being infected with something that will make your nether regions rot off), there are also a few drawbacks.

1. A lot of the mystery is gone. It takes a lot to surprise me over my spouse after so many years together....sitting here trying to think up one and I'm drawing a blank...

2. You have to wash their laundry. Sure, he sometimes returns the favor, but he half asses it. It'll be washed, dried and then left in a basket to wrinkle until you decide to fold/hang, and put it away. (I only iron if I have no other choice. We do live in humid Fl. after all, and the heat will make the wrinkles fall out...That's my justification, anyway.)

3. He smothers you all night, because he's a cuddler and all you want is to not wake up with your face in his armpit.

4. There are dead animals on walls in your house.

5. You come home from work and there are five men standing in your garage with beer in their hands, staring at a four wheeler that has all the tires taken off of it, grease all over the place, then proceed to ask you if you're cooking anything for dinner. (I think they do this last thing for the entertainment value it affords them when you use a lot of four letter words and they know that their buddy isn't getting any, at least not that night.)

6. He tells you that he doesn't make a mess, but then when he realizes just how full of it he really is, he qualifies that with, "I keep my mess contained, anyway."

And I guess, seeing as how in my last post I criticized women for bashing their men in the office at work, I will give you a few of the reasons I'm going to spent eternity....forever....and ever....with this man I chose.

1. He sings "Elvira" by the Oak Ridge Boys in the buff to me and makes my stomach hurt, I laugh so hard.

2. He cannot get enough of my body and takes every opportunity he gets to touch me.

3. He's a snuggler. (and even though I hate it at times, sometimes, I'll wake up and he'll sleepily tell me he loves me as he buries his face in my hair)

4. I'll come home from work and every once in a while, he'll have the laundry mostly done.

5. I don't think he could survive without me. Honestly.

6. The other day, he asked me if I ever thought it was cool, being married and having someone that I can kiss whenever I want. (He kind of ruined it when he followed that up with, "and if I really, really need to get some, I know you'll give it to me".

7. He wants me to go hang out at his friends with him on Friday nights. I'm not making this up.

8. He signed me up for an adult softball team, without asking me, because he knew that I missed playing and would love to feel a glove on my hand again.

9. He'll go to hockey games with me, even though, a. he hates crowds and b. cannot understand why I love it so much, as he's much more into basketball, baseball and football, anything other than hockey.

10. He loves getting me drunk on tequila so he can take advantage of me.

11. Our eleven year wedding anniversary was this past week and if he can put up with me for that long, the man truly deserves a prize.

In conclusion (wow, if that was in all caps, I'd feel like I was creating a legal document), I must say that the benefits out weigh the drawbacks by a landslide.

P.s. He doesn't think I'm weird when I do the voice thing with the fan. Always a plus.


  1. Awww this was incredibly sweet...it made this semi cold-hearted I-don't-want-a-relationship bitch wish she was in a relationship again :)

    In all seriousness (I can do that sometimes) congrats on finding yourself an amazing man.

    And I totally do the robot voice in the fan still.

  2. Yay, marriage. You've got it pretty well figured out.

  3. A well balanced post. Both sides of the coin. Excellent. Also awwwww-inducing, but mostly, yes hockey is awesome.
    Although being a Canuck...2 hockey teams in Florida? Really?

  4. aww...that just reminded me of my other half, although we're not married, but similar things are there between us...like he puts up with the fact that I sleep star-fish fashion in the bed and steal the quilt cos i'm cold, and the fact that i snuggle so close as to push him out of the bed lol.