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Florida, United States

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

This Is Why Women Get A Bad Rap

Okay, so sometimes, the male mind completely confuses me....

Over the weekend, it was sprung on me that we were going to host a dinner for several (22 - but whose counting?) family friends - on Monday night. Well, I was really busy all weekend, so I never made it to the grocery store to buy the things that I would need in order to make it happen.

A little background:

My husband's family own a ton of rental properties, a mix between commercial and residential, and my husband is kind of a "Mr. Fix-it". The toilet stops up, he's there....Garage door not working, M to the rescue. Anyway, it keeps him pretty busy most of the time and it's actually better for us if he's sitting on his ass doing nothing because THAT means we're making money and not spending it.

So, me being the poor office worker that I am, I'm working away yesterday and call my dear, wonderful, and thoughtful husband to see if he can maybe go by the grocery store, pick up two hams, a ten pound bag of potatoes and some corn. It's three o'clock and people are supposed to be arriving at six thirty.

He's at a sports bar, hanging out with two of his friends, one of which is down from North Carolina for the holidays. I have no problem with this. I NEVER call with the whole, "Where are you?, What are you doing?, WHO are you with?" psycho babble. That's not my style. And on a typical Monday night, if he wanted to roll his butt in at two in the morning, so long as I got a phone call letting me know he's alive, I'm not going to say anything about that, either. I know a lot of people around town. If he screws up, I will get word of it. Trust me on this.

So this is how our conversation goes:

Me - "Hey, babe. Are you busy?"

Hubby - "Nah, we're up here hanging out at Beef O'Brady's."

Me - "Do you have a job this afternoon?"

Hubby - "Nope."

Me - "Good. Will you run by the store and get two of those smaller hams and a ten pound bag of potatoes for me?"

Hubby - "Yeah."

Me - "You're going to have to start them, too. Just put them in the oven around five and they should be ready by seven."

Hubby - "What temperature?"

Me - "325.....Oh, and get some corn, too."

Hubby - "No problem. Love you."

Me - "Love you, too."

So, it's handled, right? Wrong.

I get home at around five thirty, no ham in the oven, no husband in the house.

Guess where he's at...Still at Beef's. UNBELIEVABLE.

He hurries home because I am super de duper pissed. I now have no time to cook anything before people begin arriving. He's brought a measly fifty wings home and expects that to feed TWENTY TWO PEOPLE.

Is he an idiot? Or is this "normal" male behavior? After all these years, I'm still not sure.

We ended up eating peanut brittle, rocky road and wings....Dumb ass.


  1. I'm amazed that he's still alive.

  2. Oh, man. That sucks!

    Pass the peanut wings...

  3. It'd be his ass served on the platter if this happened to me...

    For all the good there is about being in relationships - it's the things like that that I really don't miss. From my experience, it's normal male behavior.

  4. He was terrified to come near me all night, afraid I might have a serious freak out in front of all those people. And I would've.....He actually asked me if time had never got away from me....In a slightly raised voice (I might've been screaming...semantics)I answered, "NOT WHEN I HAVE TWENTY TWO PEOPLE COMING FOR DINNER IN TWO HOURS!" I'm sure our neighbors love us.

  5. wtf??? omg. My man wouldn't even dream of doing something like that, he'd have no 'favours' for a month if he did, and he likes those!!! lol.

    men...pretend to be so cool and logical, and have no sense of time or spatial awareness.

  6. In fairness, guys do tend to need visuals to follow orders. Next time write your request in body paint over yourself and I'm pretty sure the message will sink in.

    Still, that was a pretty 1970's-sitcom move on his part. D'oh.

  7. I was all out of body paint at the office, but next time, I guess I could use White Out?

    And what the hell am I saying..."Next time"? Trust me, there will be no next time! He might've learned his lesson. Maybe.....But I could be overestimating him again.