Thursday, December 17, 2009
Okay, so sometimes I'm not the most conscientious person in the world (room, whatever). I will occasionally burp or not hold the door open if someone is behind me and I definitely, definitely (shades of Rain Man), DO NOT let people in front of me on the road ways (most people in Florida are transplants and they just don't get the whole southern hospitality thing - give a thank you wave, asshole)...but there are a few things that I absolutely just wouldn't do...
1. Eat a tuna sandwich at the office. Sweet baby Jesus, the smell...
2. Take a shit at the office if I know it's going to smell like something has crawled up there and died - unless my bowel was literally going to explode.
3. Volunteer someone else for a job that I just "don't feel like doing".
4. Tell a bum "Why yes, I do have some spare change, but I'm not giving it to you."
5. Let someone walk around with a bugger hanging out of their nose. That's just mean. I'd rather be told.
6. Cough into my hand, wipe it down the front of my slacks and then proceed to pull open the door to a restaurant that contains buffet eating.
7. Continuously correct someone, either in person or in writing when they are not grammatically correct. (I know, I know, it annoys the hell out of me, too, but I've found that it is also very, very rude.)
8. Go into the kitchen at work and proceed to bad mouth/bash my husband to anyone that will listen. This is bad form, ladies (and also another reason we put up with our girlfriends).
9. NOT lie when I'm asked "How are you today?"...they don't want to hear that my period is due, my kid's a jerk and my dad takes it personally when I want to get off the phone to eat. All they expect in return is "Fine. How are you?"
10. When people don't remember that it is the effing holiday season....This means you, you old bat in an ugly Christmas sweater in the mall parking lot that thought I was going to run her over and proceeded to cuss me out. This means you.