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Florida, United States

Monday, January 18, 2010

Bad Boys vs. Good Guys?

This is a long running debate among women. Which do you prefer? And what makes both?

In Victorian romance novels, reformed rakes supposedly make the best husbands. But hello?? This is reality, not some prose penned by a middle aged woman with fantasies of some dashing ladies man sweeping them off their feet. Of said man being captivated by their shining eyes and dewy skin. Where only their lovemaking can satisfy the hunger of a swarthy, handsome and striking beast. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Are there men with the beauty to make the hearts of the masses skip a beat? Yes. Romance covers are not always paintings of imagined beauty, but sometimes based on fact.

Exhibit A: Nathan Kamp

However, just because there are these rare freaks of nature, does not necessarily mean you should hold out for a pretty face. Just think of all the potential baggage that comes along with someone such as this:

1. Crazy exes that may pull a Glenn Close and boil any future offsprings bunny rabbit.

2. The possibility of offspring showing up willy nilly from them spreading it around during their "sowing their wild oats" decade.

3. Bathroom time.

4. Shopping budget.

5. Closet space.

I have a theory. I don't know for sure, as I'm very happily married to a very attractive man, but here it goes.

Ladies, if you're single, and out looking for a good time, the bad boy is the way to go. But keep your expectations where they belong. Low. They should not exceed the level of more than a good time in bed. And for God's sake, cover it up. Do not expect a call from this person any time soon, if ever. Do not fantasize about how beautiful your future children will be. Forget where they live, if they actually brought you home with them. You should never do a drive-by on a man like this, as you are setting yourself up for heartbreak. (Yes, men. Women are truly crazy enough to do this kind of crap.) Do not stalk their facebook page, or frequent their hang outs, hoping against hope that your va-jay-jay captivated them into submission.

I don't care how pretty you think you are. You are one of many pretty faces, beautiful bodies, that have seen the interior of his pants. Trust me on this. I know people.

Now, the good guy. Ladies, think more Matt Damon rather than Colin Farrell.

Is he as debonair, suave and sexy as the bad boy?

No. Good guys out there, don't fool yourselves. The sex appeal that you have is not where your treasure center is housed. Huh, uh. It is in the very things you probably think are boring. Your dependability, your intelligence, opening a door for a lady, sending flowers, calling her when you're going to be late, those are the things that make husband material.

(Plus, Matt Damon is still hot.)

Sure, the bad boys out there might think it is because you're whipped, when in reality, you have the situation whipped.

You can go out with your friends without your phone ringing off the hook from your super jealous, overly suspicious gal pal harassing you until you're tempted to bust your phone against the wall. And, unlike your buddy, the one with the hair gel and two seater sports car, you don't have to bust your ass trying to get a piece of ass, when your girl is snuggled up in bed, warm and smelling of your favorite scent, just waiting for you to get home, where there is no need to cover it up for fear of contracting something that will make your genitals fall off.

If your buddy scores, he might as well look at it as a box of chocolates, without the expected sweetness, unless it's her overly strong cheap perfume. He never knows what he is going to get. As he goes to unwrap her, he might need to pull off a few girdles that are holding a lot of her in and out of sight in her street clothes and while making love, close his eyes and pretend she is his high school sweetheart that is now married and hasn't given him a second thought in the last decade.

Good guys, don't fool yourselves into thinking it would be better if you were an asshole. Yes, some women have an idiotic view on what is romantic. Some feed off of being treated like shit, disappointed and heart broken, never knowing if every bump in her nether regions is the latest "gift" her bad boy has brought to her. But is this the type of woman you want to carry your children in her womb? Wouldn't you rather have a woman that has a very high expectation on how she should be treated?

One of my high school friends put up with this guy year after year, catching him fooling around time after time. He was good looking, drove a nice car and loved the ladies. One day, about three months after giving birth, my friend noticed an odor. Yes, an odor. Turns out she had three s.t.d.'s. Thankfully, all were treatable, but she let him convince her that she must've been carrying those little gems around for more than a year, as he hadn't been unfaithful since before she was pregnant. I couldn't believe it when she told me this. Did she really think she could've went through pregnancy, all of those examinations, and this not be discovered? She buried her head in the sand, had a few more children, and is now going through a divorce.

Don't wait for an odor to show up, ladies.

Have a little more self worth and marry the good guy.


  1. I always dated the bad boys and had my heart broken. I married a good boy and have never been happier in my life.

  2. I love this. It should be required reading.
    I never wasted my time with the bad boys. But I like how simple you have made this- don't wait for an odor. Seriously.

  3. YAYA!!!!!!!!!

    Me dependable! Wooooooootalicious!

  4. There's a time and a place for the bad boys - the ones that don't give you 'the odor' that is. But a girl will never be happier than the day she decideds to settle down with the good guy.