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Florida, United States

Thursday, January 7, 2010

There's Poo In My Diet Coke

I need to stop listening to the radio on my way to work....

My morning.....

I wake up at five fifteen, work out for an hour, shower, apply make up, flat iron my hair and head out the door ten minutes early so that I can stop and get me a horribly unhealthy breakfast at a fast food joint.

No sooner am I pulling out of the drive-thru, take a big swig of my diet coke, the lady on the station I'm listening to says that a group of microbiologists did a study on soft drinks from various restaurants. Their findings: 48% of the drinks tested contained fecal material.....Yes, fecal material, which is poo. Poo.

So, I put the drink in my cup holder and change the station. Yes, I am a great believer in what I don't know, won't hurt me, so I don't want to hear anymore about their "studies". And the thought crosses my mind that it would suck to be a microbiologist.

The station that I tuned into were discussing the things that go on in schools in our area, with kids calling in anonymously and disclosing all kinds of disturbing incidents.

One caller, a twelve year old girl, said that in one day in class, they kept hearing shouts and the wall getting hit, so the teacher sent a student to go investigate. Why she didn't get off her lazy ass and do it herself, I'm not sure. Apparently the class abuts up to the girls restroom and she went in and saw two students banging (her words, not mine), then headed back to class and told the teacher it was someone in the hallways, but not a big deal. She then went on to say that the fourteen year old girl that was participating is now pregnant.

There were multiple disturbing stories, many about drug use, some about weapons in school, but this one just blew me away.

A guy that graduated last year called in and said that one morning, before home room class (first period) a group of students were selling tickets to an event, which was to occur in between fifth and sixth periods somewhere on campus (I can't remember where, probably a bathroom). The event: Tickets to watch a girl lose her virginity. Yes, you read that right. The girl, apparently willing, was going to make one of the most memorable milestones in a woman's life a spectacle that could be viewed for five bucks. Unbelievable. After the young man called in, the dj's said that they were receiving multiple texts from their listening audience confirming that this had really happened. The school names were not being announced, but the caller said that this was at an upscale boarding school, and I'll just go a head and tell you, I live near Orlando, Florida, so if they say "upscale", I'm inclined to believe them.

Oh my God. Right?

For those of you not in the know, I was a real hillbilly (not really) by giving birth at sixteen. Yes, sixteen. But at least my child was not conceived on a school campus or in front of a crowd. We did it in the front seat of my boyfriends truck in an orange grove. Tons classier, right?

Now, looking back, I wonder what in the world I was thinking. I was an honor student, taking senior classes my first year of high school, so I was intelligent enough to know what happens when you have unprotected sex. But I was invincible. Me? Pregnant? No way. Until.....Yes way...And it was terrifying. But I was lucky. M was one hell of a kid, and he has turned into one hell of a man. We made it work, even though it was hard and we didn't have a lot of help, as both our families were determined we raise our own child. Radical idea, huh? He worked two jobs and I eventually finished school, went to college and M was promoted to vice president of his family business. It was okay. Fairy tale? No. Ideal? Hell no.

I wonder sometimes what it is that makes kids believe that their world is protected. Go to a party and get so drunk you can barely walk, then proceed to get behind the wheel and drive balls to the wall as though there is no tomorrow? Have indiscriminate sex in a bathroom stall at school, get pregnant and at fourteen be unsure who your baby's father is? Or have an HIV test come up positive? Snort that first line in your prep school and get addicted? These things would never happen...Right? Right?

Most of these things have been around for a long time, at least through my adolescent and teenage years, so even though I was bright, intelligent and had my future mapped out like an old time explorer, sometimes plans are derailed by the very quality that makes being a teenager so exhilarating.

It is ignorance. Ignorance is bliss. Until you know better, everything that seems enjoyable IS enjoyable. For example, that diet coke I was sipping on this morning. Until I realized that there was a nearly fifty/fifty chance there was shit in my drink, it tasted pretty damn good.

Like I said, tomorrow I'm plugging in my ipod.


  1. Ahhhh! This makes me want to throw up! What happened to being sweet and innocent as children? How did we get so off-course with our kids and their ideas on love and sex? The girl selling tickets for her "deflowering" is the next decade's Tiger Woods mistress. She's had her first experience of making money and some sort of notoriety from sex. So, so sad.

  2. Meh, doesn't even phase me anymore...bring on the feces and rodent hair, I say!!

  3. Ahhh...aren't all irons flat?

  4. Ve, no offense, but that is exactly why my blog is named what it is....:-)

    Of course not!